The Silence Of Friendships-
Sometimes, when I feel like I’m down in the deepest pit, what I want isn’t words or hugs.
Not even a listening ear.
Silence- That’s the best anyone could provide.
Just to sit by your side, say nothing & do nothing.
The presence is all that matters.
Demanding, one might say?
But to me, the presence is all that matters.
Knowing that someone is there beside me is comforting enough.
These few days were pretty wet for me. By that I meant that I teared a lot. This post is not to gain sympathy nor to broad-cast to others that I am one very strong girl. I live a translucent life. I just want to share what I’ve been growing through lately and my thoughts. Hopefully, it’ll be able to spur someone on/ encourage them in one way or another.
I have an elder sister who gave birth at the mere age of 18. Nope, she never got married. My whole family went through a lot- from facing all sorts of gossips around the neighborhood to taking responsibilities of babysitting nephew. Looking back, I am glad that we’d pulled through together. Babynephew had brought much joy in this family. This little life actually pulled each and every individual together. My responsibilities increased drastically too. Unfortunately, my sis never grew outta her childish thinking. To cut the story short, I played two roles: My nephew’s Aunt and Mom. I always needed to come back home early to take care of him, often resulting in my neglect of ministry and studies. I never complained. ‘Cuz taking care of him was never a pain in the neck. In fact, it was great joy.
However, more responsibilities were stacked upon my shoulders and many problems just came all at once, I didn’t even had time to dodge or raise the white flag. Just a few days ago, I had these thoughts: ‘’This is definitely not what a 17 year old should be doing. Why is my sister stealing my freedom when I could take that time to hang out with my friends, spend more time with my cg and studies? And yet she could have all the fun outside? Why am I bearing the consequences of the mistake that she’d committed?’’ I felt so stressed, I broke down. There was only babynephew and myself at home at that point of time. And he was soundly asleep in the play-pen. I sobbed so hard and loud that he woke up. Stood up (still in his play-pen), looked at me and cried. Soyeah, you get the picture. This darling of mine is only a year and 4months old, yet he knew that his aunt was upset. He stretched his arms towards me, as if signaling me that he wants to gimme a hug of comfort. I took him out and the both of us continued crying (Dramatic, I know, but true). In the end, he cried himself to sleep in my arms. I looked at him and many thoughts came rushing in my mind just there and then.
My nephew needs me.
As much as I feel inadequate and the fact that I am young, my nephew needs me. My family needs me. The financial state in future is dependent on me. These two factors are more than enough to motivate me to strive hard. For my loved ones, I will stand strong. Sometimes not much of I want, but more of I’ve got to. As for my sister, all I can do is to influence her indirectly and constantly keep her in prayers. I am not ashamed of my sister. She is my sister and I gladly proclaim that. I love her and I long for her to have that love within me from my Heavenly Father.
I don’t know what the message that I want to put across is. Am facing many trials and testings but I know that problems are not continual. They do have an end. I guess God’s really pruning me. No testings are ever easy. But I will rejoice. For the Lord, my God is with me wherever I go. I am honored. He’s looking highly on me. Soyeah, for those who are at the verge of giving up, hang on. Cling on to Him who provides. God place testings in our lives not to condemn us/prove to us that we are weak and He’s the mighty one. We can take advantage of the circumstances we are in. Do not compare or complain bout what you do not have but rather, see what you have and go on from there.
We all have a choice, don’t we?