THE ROJAK GANG IS GONNA BE BACK ~
yeah . im sure it will . =) im so glad i wrote 'em that letter . Have not been talkin to each other for quite some time but we've all got each other in our hearts . Aww . The relief was incredible , like i'd removed somethin' jammed painfully between my teeth or shaken a sharp rock outta my shoe . I missed the fun we used to have . The loss of that was like a giant crater in my heart . But now , i know everythin's gonna turn out fine . Just like two years ago . =)

It's true that we dunno what we've got until we lose it . But it's also true that we dunno what we've been missing until it arrives . haha . okie , i dunno what im babbling about . All the thoughts and feelings i had wrestled with in my sleep that had weighed so heavily upon me felt light at this moment . So many things had felt so intense these past few days , and my spirit had been unsettled . I guess everythin's really starting to fall into place . =) No .. i definitely won't let my emotions overtake me . I have full control over 'em .
Im young and growing up and im soo new to this whole disappointing era . But it's okie . I have people showering me with care and concern and i've got endless love surrounding me . God loves us and wants the best for us . HIs love will give us hope even if the bleakest of circumstances . There is a light always shining , and the light is the love of God . In him , we all can find Hope .

I once read this somewhere :
" In the harsh reality we call today's world , it's hard to find someone who does somethin without havin' a ulterior motive . Some say that selfless individuals are a dying breed but i cant find myself to believe that . There has to be good people out ther . They may be a little harder to find nowadays but i have faith that they're out there and someday we will cross paths . Or maybe we already have .. "
i was so refreshed after readin' this . Have u ?

Service on saturday was awesome . We took loads of photos after commpassionate meet and some are really gorgeous . Go check out vivien or xinru's bloggie . I really thank God for having those gals in my life . I know ive said countless times of '' i really thank God for placing so and so in my life .. blah blah .. '' but i really mean it . i guess i just can't thank God enough . I really love the gals and i cherish each and everyone of 'em . =)

Anatta went back to indonesia already . =( gonna miss u so much , dear.



To : Sabreena , Aizan , Rizzuan , Haiziel .

I hope you've got my letter. I miss you guys a lot and i know that things would not be the same anymore . I have changed . You guys too , im sure . I understand and I know how we wanted to work this out so much . I hate to walk pass you , pretendin' and tryin' so hard to not look into your eyes . Im sorry i avoided u guys . Im sorry things hadn't been well . Im sorry we broke our promise two years ago , that is , to keep in touch despite the fact that we're all in different classes . Im sorry . But i've cherished it all . I did . The saddest thing in my secondary school life isn't the backstabbings ive got by you-know-who . Its how we've all drift apart furthur away from each other slowly and we couldn't do anythin' 'bout it . Our friendship once stood so tall . So tall ..
Whatever happened ? What went wrong ? I seriously have no idea .



It's so sad how friendships could just come and go just like that ..

Aloha again .

Baby nephew just cried himself to sleep just now . Ha . I think he likes music , just an hour ago , i played '' sound of music '' for him and he dozed off . He's really cute when he doesn't throw one of his tantrums , but once he cry non-stop , i tell you , it can really make one quite frustrated . He's so pampered . Everybody loves him and my parents are sooo proud of him . Just yesterday , mom sent 'bout 10 mms of pictures of baby nephew to friends and relatives . And dad's not workin' due to his leg injury , so he's lookin' after baby nephew . I can't carry baby nephew for long cuz i don't have that patient , unlike dad. He's got unlimited patience. Haha . My mom and i thinks that when baby grows up , he's gonna be real close to my dad. Changing diapers , feeding , bathing , burping , puttin' baby to sleep , u name it , my dad can do it . He's like Mr incredible now . Baby's quite hot tempered . And he farts alot . He grows really fast and his eye lashes are like gettin' longer and longer . So jealous ...

One sister went back to her own church not long ago . Kinda sad . And when asked why , she said there's too much committment . I understand . I can totally relate to that . Sometimes , i also wonder why are there so much committment but when i look at my leaders and pastors , i would be like '' If they can do it , why can't i ? '' I guess i like challenges and that's what kept me movin' on .. I like that sense of satisfaction when i've overcome somthin' i nvr thought i could .

Another sister of mine had some problems with a spiritual life and even thought of changing church and backsliding but i was quite amazed at how she stood up again and i really admire her optimism and enthusiasm in puttin' all her heart and focus in servin God again . I guess that took a lot of courage . Perhaps , people have to learn the hard way once in a while . I think that was a test God had placed in her life and im glad that she'd overcome it .

Whenever i close my eyes , bow down , worship or pray to God , i have this image in my head and it would always bring a smile on my face . This image showed me runnin' towards Jesus , huggin' him . Then i'd show him the crowd of people behind me . Those people are my friends , family , and even people i don't know . Those people are people whom i had shared the Gospel to , people who had invited and acknowledged Jesus in their life . I couldn't see their faces clearly but i'm prayin' hard that my parents , sister , grandparents and my loved ones are there . And then , He would tap me on the shoulder , sayin' ''well done , my child .. well done ..'' I don't think there's anythin' greater than being one of God's assistants and helpin' him changin' others . Don't miss the wonderful experience of servanthood ! Im really lookin' forward to that day . I know it's gonna come true .. I just know ..

My mid-yr results were not that good . It was way below my standard . Im tryin to be optimistic . And i see it in such a way that , u know , at least i know where my problems are now . Better flunk my mid-yr than my N levels . 've made up my mind . Am gonna hit the books and study my butt off this holiday . Wish me luck . =)

Belive it or not , yday's service was oh-so awesome ! All of us were lik jumpin' and dancin' lik crazy . Ahhh . cant describe it la . It was just great . Had meetin with joyce after that and they were so lame . Tingting , celine and i went to the washroom half way thru the meeting . And they went back slightly earlier than me . And when i went back , they were pretendin' to pray in tongues . And i was like '' Stop pretendin' la '' , and everyone ended up laughin' . Left the meeting around 6.45 to go meet mommy at city hall after that .

Talkin of mommy ,
HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY TO ALL !!!!

Right . It's time to talk about my mom .
If i were to give her a card , perhaps i'd start off by sayin
'' Thank u mommy , for always reminding me to bring tissues and umbrella whenever im out.. ''
haha . im nt kiddin ' . My mom's always like '' remember to bring this ah , remember to bring that ah '' haha . hmm . im definitely more of a daddy's gal . dad's more understandin' and he seldom scolds us , he's more of a ''law-by-law'' kinda person . While mom's more like , if u're wrong , u're wrong . Dun argue . yeah . thats the difference . But i still love her to bits and pieces anw . =) None of my family members are expressive . we dun say '' i love yous '' or ''i miss you'' that kinda thing , but deep down , we're all perfectly sure each and every one in the family matters . I still remembered that day , when my friend backstabbed me , i couldnt stop cryin' and went on and on , and mommy came and sat by me and stroked my back . I was soooo touched then . I always take their love and concern for granted . Really , and come to think of it , i feel really bad .
Urgh . i love 'em oh sooo much . =)
Today's also the very first mother's day for my sis . She's one blur mom la .


OH MY , I FEEL SOOOOOO LOVED !

She thought she was doin' fine
She's been occupying herself with loads of work
She'd been keepin' those negative thoughts aside
Yeah , she really thought she was doin' fine .

Then one day everythin' came tumbling down .
It was then that she'd accepted the fact that she'd lost alot .
It was then that she'd realized that she wasn't strong after all .

She tried to explain how depressed and confused she's feelin' ,
but she couldnt seem to talk to anyone rationally .
At one point , she got all hysterical and couldnt stop cryin' .
It makes others mad cuz they can't help her and it makes her madder cuz she cant tell 'em how to .

She know what it's like to have her mind pushing her in a wrong way
and yet unable to alter that by strength of will .
People walked in and outta her life pullin' strings that nvr seem to be attached to anythin .
All they ever does is make her hurt .

No .. mommy wouldnt stroke her back ..
and no .. she's no longer daddy's 'lil gal ..

She closed her eyes and felt somethin' wet dribbling down her cheeks .
Just then , she felt this hand tapping on her shoulders , tellin' her it's okie .
''You're not alone , '' the voice said .
''Never will i leave you , never will i forsake you . ''


I wrote this in my diary late last night . I always pen down all my emotions when i feel extremely down , happy or ecstatic . wellwell . I have no idea why i'd write this though . I guess once in a while , there'd be this emptiness in each and everybody's heart . i dunno . maybe .. perhaps so .. yes . Bad things happen to us , and sometimes things don't work out or turn out the same way as you expect or want them to . And sometimes you just don't feel like doing anythin , you just want to stay home all day long without any interaction with anybody from outside . I know how it feels , i definitely do .
But somehow , i know that , even if nothin' seemed to work out , as long as u're God's own , none of His sheeps will be ever out of his care ..

Im so tired of explainin' bout that brown mark on my face . Haha

okie.
3 days ago , my nephew was crying really loudly . He was hungry and was stickin' his tongue in and out . And i went near his face , thinkin' that mabe he'd gimme a kiss or somethin like that . [ despite the fact that he's only one month old] so yeah . i went near , and he went suckin' on my cheek . He was not cryin , so i tot ''okie . let him suck while daddy's gettin the milk ready'' .

when daddy came in ~

Joan : daddy ! just now he sucked my cheek , u know !
Daddy : *laughs
Joan : really ! u dun believe ?
Daddy : *laughs . go look in the mirror .




AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! ~


End of story .
haha , yeah i know its kinda stupid . What do u expect ?
This is joan .