went to e hosp. agen on sunday after going to e library .
grandpa was awake when i reached dere .
i called him .
he turned to mie .
looked at mie with his grey eyes .
i jus felt lik crying .
lik ive said , my sis n i are much more closer to another grandpa of ours .
but i dunno why .
i blamed myself for not visiting him for sooo long .
it made me realized that in a blink of eye , everythin could b gone .
yes .
monday night , dad came home from e hosp .
he came to my room ,
hugged me from the back and said tt grandpa could b gone anytime .
he cried .
and i cried too .

i slowly sat on my bed .
i started praying while tears rolled down my cheeks .
i prayed and prayed .

ive been praying every day and every night
that God , could heal him .
bcuz i noe as long as i pray , God will hear me .
and he will provide .
God will do miracles in our lives .

thank u sisters n brothers for being there .
for being a huge support for me .



okie . i know its been like weeks ago when we celebrated the New year . But was feelin kinda down lately and i started to think about the things that ive gone thru last year . i heard many ppl saying "woah . time flies in 2006" . No .. it wasnt fast for me .. it was a long and dreadful year . ive experienced and went thru so much , no one could possibly understand .

its so sad when u know someone so dearly and were so close togetha once and now , everythin's different . it is really very sad . sometimes i look at that person whom hv hurt me the most . and i wonder "why ? why didnt things work out ?" . i know its stupid . i know its selfish . but i realli want to turn the clock back . i want to go back to the happy moments we once shared . sharing diaries , going to lunch everyday after sch , doin revision togetha , went to each other's hse so often . i once had all those . but why did one day make all e difference ? that very day when i cried lik hell . ive lost my very best friend . someone whom i confide in totally . someone whom i trusted the most . someone whom know me better than i know myself . someone who can end my sentence before i end it . jus imagine hw close we were . and now , we are jus lik strangers .
i know perfectly well that things couldnt go back they way it was . i know . but i guess i still cant get over it .

backstabbings , gossips , etc .. ive experienced it all last yr .. one shot ..

i guess i can say i was strong . yes i fell . yes i said i wanted to give up . i stomped my feet and yelled like a 3-yr-old . but i still made it . i still managed to hop over this huge hurdle in front of me . but i didnt do this alone . anatta.. linda..nadia..my dearest cousins.. they were the ones who grabbed mie , pulled me up when i fell . u noe , when u feel lik u're not gonna make it , when u feel lik everythin's gone , even when one person shows up to u , it will make all e difference .
i remembered i was realli realli down one day after school . went home , and i received this sms . from anatta . "hey joan . how are u feelin ?" . i tell u , i cried even louder when i saw this . there are jus so many ppl whom im thankful n greatful for . i luv u ppl so very very much . <3

I hv God . He is with me to walk with me .