was writing a letter to my cousin , vanessa , in my room days ago .
the letter was really long .
i had photos sticked on to the wall of my room .
one photo showed me and daddy acting lik zombies .
one photo showed myself when i was onli 3 yrs old .
one photo showed my sis , vanessa and i in the playground with the same hairstyles . long hair with little braids .
another photo showed myself when i was 14 .

i stared at those photos for a very long time .
suddenly , this feeling overwhelmed me .
i cant describe it .
i miss those days .
no stress .
no worries .
i miss it .
i really do .
if i were given a choice , i wouldnt wan to grow up .
daddy once said even if im old , i would still be his little girl .
yes . im still gonna be daddy's little girl .

sometimes i just wish to stay at home for the rest of my life .
i'd rather not get in contact with anyone in this world .
then maybe things wouldnt turn out this way .
then maybe i wouldnt be so worried .
then maybe i wouldnt be so scared .
then maybe ..
then maybe ..

i feel so small .
people around me are huge and tall .

i feel discouraged .
im afraid things would not work out .

im disatisfied .
i thought i could do better .

im feelin' down .
i thought i didnt do my part .

im tired .
i dun think i could carry on .

i want the power to wipe away sadness

i always tell people to hang on when they're feelin down .
but my words just cant seem to appeal to myself .
i always thought i wouldnt cry .
but i ended up cryin' in front of others .
i always thought i would not fall .
but i fell so hard .

vanessa : '' are u feelin stressed ? im sure u are . all problems surrounding u . "

how did u know .. i thought no one knew..



''have faith , joan . have faith. ''
'' its okie , joan . evrythin's gonna be fine''
'' u can do it . u really can . ''